To the person who feels like they aren’t enough or too much to handle…
I’ve always struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, or not enough period. I can’t pinpoint when exactly I started feeling this way but I think a lot of it stems from the high expectations that were set upon me growing up.
Not that I wasn’t capable of meeting those expectations, because I was and I usually did but I had a fear of failure and rejection if I didn’t meet them exactly. This has crossed over into my adulthood now and I’ve noticed it is most present when it comes to relationships.
Maybe because I’ve experienced my fair share of rejection is why I particularly feel this way in relationships. I’m afraid to be my true self now because of the backlash I’ve received from being myself in the past. I’m a little all over the place sometimes but I know exactly what I want and what I expect out of people and that in turn has made some people run and/or pushed them away, yet I’m usually the one who ends up apologizing and feeling like I did something wrong…
Why should I apologize for being myself? Why should I apologize for my expectations and standards?
I’ve come to realize that the fact that I have such a high standard for how I want to be treated, and my expectations is not something to be sorry for. I’ve settled for less in the past for the sake of wanting to be in a relationship and just being wanted, and let me be the first to say, never, ever settle for less than you deserve. You will always feel like you are missing something. This will plant a seed of doubt and insecurity in your mind and creates toxicity between you and the other person involved.
I know who I am, and I know what I want. Although in the past I have lost sight of this and compromised because I was tired of the rejection, I realize now the rejection is the biggest blessing I could have received. When the right person comes along, it will be someone who is strong enough to handle all of my quirks and my insecurities, someone who will be strong enough to embrace those insecurities to the point where they become attributes that I am proud of, not someone who feeds them. Someone who is strong enough to handle the expectations that I set upon them because they will know that I only want the best for them and to be the best versions of themselves, and they will set the same standards for me. Someone who embraces the fact that even though I very much take the important aspects of life seriously, I also have the tendency to act like a seven year old because life isn’t meant to be taken too seriously and if we all had the mind of a child, this world would be a better place. Someone who knows I have been hurt, and I am extremely guarded but isn’t afraid to climb those walls I’ve built and break them down because they will be strong enough to build a solid foundation of love and support that I very much deserve. Someone who is strong enough to handle me, period.
And I know I am not the only person who feels this way. I know I’m not the only one who has felt like they aren’t enough because they’ve been rejected one too many times. But I am here to tell you, sometimes the biggest blessing you can receive is rejection. God closes doors because He knows what He wants for you, and who He has picked for you. He knows who is strong enough for you and who isn’t. Do not apologize for being you, do not apologize for your standards. Ever.
I think this is relatable for guys and gals alike but for my fellow ladies this is especially for us:
God made Eve for Adam, not Adam for Eve. God created Eve from the life of Adam, He took from Adam’s rib to create her. She was complete, YOU ARE COMPLETE, it is Adam who is missing a piece of himself. So the next time we begin to feel like we aren’t enough, we should remember that we are not the ones with a missing part. We are the precious daughters of the star breather and God did not create us for someone who doesn’t recognize this and treats us with the upmost care and RESPECT.
In conclusion ladies, gents, keep being you. Keep doing your own thing, keep setting expectations and keep raising your standards. The next time you experience rejection, remember that something better is meant for you. Quit apologizing for being yourself.