“…Let go, my soul…”
Ever feel like you’re falling off the wagon?? Like you can physically feel yourself slipping and you KNOW you need to get back on track. Well, I am.
I’ve been struggling with my faith lately… not my faith in God but more or less my commitment and persistence to Him. Have I opened my bible every day to be in the Word and know Him intimately? No. Have I dedicated time every day to just being present with Him and to be in prayer? No. Have I thanked Him every day? No. And it’s been like this for a few weeks now. I used to wake up every morning, grab my coffee, open the word and my heart and take time for prayer, worship, and fill my spirit. I cannot begin to count how many days it has been since I last did this… so then I say to myself “okay I’ll do it when I get home, right before bed I’ll do it, I’ll be present.” That doesn’t happen either.
I haven’t prioritized my time and I can already tell that it has taken a toll on me and my well being. I honestly believe a lot of it has to do with my environment. I’ve been super stressed out lately and feeling overwhelmed and it is no excuse but this is the reality of following Christ. It truly is a commitment. It’s a marriage to God. You have to give time, effort, heart and soul into making it work, making it last and making it good. No matter the environment, or the season. And I am definitely going through a season right now. I’ve gone through SO MANY seasons this year. But I am grateful for this because seasons mean change and change also means growth… new flowers can’t bloom in the spring without old ones dying out in the winter.
In Matthew chapter 26 Jesus and His disciples are in the upper room and the last supper is taking place. Jesus begins to tell Peter that by morning when the rooster crows he will have denied Him three times. But Peter refuses to listen to this and tells Him “even if I have to die with you, I would NEVER disown you.” Peter swore He would stand by Jesus, even during the toughest circumstances. But yet even still, scripture says that he did indeed deny Jesus three times, and then the rooster crowed…
Well, I’m Peter… and I’m not proud of it.
Now it’s not like I’ve denied Jesus or anything but I’m so ashamed for the way I’ve been acting…
So, this is going to be honesty hour for me and it’s something that I need to confess to. I need to be better. I’ve gotten complacent in my life and began to neglect what is most important. And the one thing that should be my main priority keeps getting put on the back burner, then I wonder why it’s cold again when I finally make my way back to it. Well, Maddie, maybe if you didn’t neglect it, maybe if you didn’t turn your focus to other aspects of life it would still be hot. Maybe if you worked on your time management and kept a closer eye on Jesus you wouldn’t have to start back from square one and put more effort into getting that fire hot again.
Lately I’ve been thinking that talking to Him in the car and listening to worship music on my commute to work is enough but it absolutely is not enough. It is necessary to be in the Word and consistent in prayer, because knowing God’s word is CRUCIAL to our relationship with Him. Not being in the Bible loses our focus and desire to be in it. And you want to know why it’s so easy for the enemy to get so close to you sometimes? Because even the demons know the scripture. They know it front to back, left and right, they know it better than anyone and THATS how they get to you. And they have been trying so hard to get to me I can feel it. But I won’t let them succeed. I need to do more on my part to be able to fight the good fight.
Because even during times when we feel like we’ve messed up, there is one BIG thing to remember… if we ever think for a second that we’ve blown God’s plan for our life we need to take a step back and find some modesty because we do not hold THAT much power. God intervenes through all circumstances and there is nothing you can do or I can do to mess that up. And I find rest in that.
So I promise before myself and before God that I will not slip off. And this is my prayer for myself and for any of you who may be in the exact same place I’m in right now…
God, please forgive me for drifting away from you, and for allowing other things to become more important in my life. Forgive me for losing part of my desire to know you. Help me to live aware. Help me to choose wisely. Help me to stay close to you. Help me to be anchored in your Truth. Apart from you, I have no hope. Thank you for your reckless, relentless love. Thank you for your amazing grace and mercy. Thank you for your patience. Thank you that you wait for me. That you call me to you, and even come back after me. Thank you for strengthening me during my times of weakness, I truly am strong when I am on your shoulders. Thank you that you and you alone are my refuge and my safety, and you are constantly filling me with hope. Thank you for doing all of my praying for me lately, you’ve known what’s been on my heart and you continue to bless it. I come to you today, choosing to walk in your presence and your unending light.
It is well.
“Your kindness is a greater goodness than life; my lips shall glorify you.” -Psalms 63:4